Put It Down
I’m guilty of this.
Carrying things that aren’t mine.
I wonder if you are too?
Not because you have to.
Because you feel you should.
Because it’s become part of who you are.
Before I rowed across an ocean alone, I worked through some carried trauma using guided breath work.
I was sceptical.
Breathing didn’t feel like the kind of thing that solves anything.
It did.
At one point my friend guiding the session said something I’ve never forgotten:
“That’s not yours to carry, Mike. Put it down.”
It stopped me dead.
Because she was right.
I have a tendency to take on too much responsibility.
Other people’s reactions, their emotions, even their outcomes.
If someone close to me is unhappy, I look for how I might have caused it.
If there’s tension in the room, I try to absorb it.
If something fails, I assume I should have foreseen it.
Some of that is leadership.
Some of that is conditioning.
And some of it, if I’m really honest, is people pleasing.
When you grow up navigating instability, you learn to read the room fast.
You learn to smooth things over.
You learn to carry things for others.
It becomes a strength.
Everyone relies on you.
Until it becomes a burden.
Here’s the uncomfortable truth.
Not everything heavy belongs to you.
Not every outcome is yours to manage.
Not every emotion in the room is yours to regulate.
Not every conflict is yours to fix.
And the more capable you are, the easier it is to convince yourself that it is.
Before we go any further, let’s debrief together:
Where are you carrying something that doesn’t belong to you?
A colleague’s insecurity?
A friend’s indecision?
A family tension you didn’t create?
An expectation you never agreed to?
Or maybe someone else’s disappointment.
Be honest.
No judgement.
Just awareness.
Leadership doesn’t mean absorbing everything.
Strength doesn’t mean holding the weight of the world.
Real strength is knowing what’s yours and what isn’t.
When I stopped trying to carry things that weren’t mine, something shifted.
I didn’t become less responsible.
I became more focused.
Energy returned.
Clarity sharpened.
The responsibilities that were mine - my health, my standards, my family and my integrity now felt deliberate.
Not reactive.
I’m still working on this and think I always will.
Self-awareness is what really matters.
Hardwired patterns don’t disappear overnight.
In many ways I’m writing this to myself as much as to you.
A reminder that sometimes it’s okay to care less about what people think of you for doing what you know is right.
Care less about approval.
Live more in alignment to who you really are.
Not how you think others want you to be.
Your mission this week (if you choose to accept it):
Put one thing down.
Quietly.
Without announcement.
Without drama.
Let someone else carry their own reaction.
Let an outcome unfold without your interference.
Let discomfort sit where it belongs.
You don’t have to carry everything to prove you care.
Sometimes caring means trusting others to carry their own weight.
That’s enough for now.
More next Sunday.
Mike
Hold the line. Do the hard things.
